well, went to the dr monday...and lo and behold...he wants to continue on the path that we've started and not change anything up. he does not feel my ridiculous spotting is any sort of a problem. what planet is he from? its not normal. anyway, the parlodel (bromocriptine) lengthened my luteal phase a whopping 4 days! i guess that's one thing to be thankful for. so just to sum up last cycle...i started spotting on april 26..my period didn't start til may 4...and now i'm done. started clomid last night...100 mg. let's just add up what i'm taking to make everyone out there feel better because they don't have to take 27 pills a day.
1- pre-natal side effect: nausea
2- clomid side effect: mood swings and hot flashes
3- parlodel side effect: whoa, dizzy (i even fell on my butt the other day)
4- vitamin b6
5- baby aspirin
and that's why i've felt so crappy lately. i think the dizziness is the worst. even as i type now, the room is going in a counter-clockwise circle and the letters are smearing together. oh, the things you do to get to those sleepless nights with a baby.
other thoughts. i have finally given into the idea that i do not have ANY control over our infertility issue. when i first started this blog, i felt like i had all the keys to fix this...knowledge, a good dr, meds that i respond to, and a fab hubby. little did i know, that even when everything is "timed perfectly" you still might not get pregnant. the last few months (mostly april) were spent in my bed feeling sorry for myself.
those days are over (well, i'm sure i'll feel that way some days...like when i start my period). i have realized that i have NO control and all i can do is what the dr tells me to and the rest is up to my heavenly father. i'm going to enjoy my summer doing things that you can't do pregnant..and not worry too much about it. its SO much harder to do than to say, but i'm so sick of being depressed about something i can't change. i'm so sad...and i'll still have that sadness deep down, but i need to be there for cameron to make our summer fun. this is such a sob-fest. anyway. i never thought i'd have to survive such heart ache...and most people can't relate, but i'm ok. really. i'm looking up.
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I'm so sorry you're having to go through this struggle Ashley. I know you and Cameron will have children someday, in some form or another, hopefully sooner rather than later. And when you do, it will be worth every last single heartache you have now. I promise. You're in our prayers.
ReplyDeleteI know I haven't gone through what your going through but from seeing some friends go through it I think the best thing for you to do is RELAX!!! Stress will make it worse. It seems like when the person stops stressing about it they end up getting pregnant. And just think, it hasn't even been a year yet! I know people who it just took that long. And you are right, its up to Heavenly Father.
ReplyDeleteHey chicky, when everyone else says "I'm sorry you have that issue," remember: ME TOO! You're soooo not alone. I had the exact same realization about 6 months into trying. The universe will only give you what you can handle when you can handle it. Maybe not this month, but when it does happen I KNOW we'll both go "ooooooh! That's why it didn't happen until now!" Chin up kid, we're (especially YOU) still young!
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