.plan b.

well, i know it has been awhile since i posted, but i think we have finally made a decision to go with a "plan b." maybe i'm "untraditional" but i did not like the way my dr was going about our treatment, so i asked around and got some great advice. so i called a new dr..his name is dr. richards and he works with a guy named dr. marrs. together, these two have the BEST success rates for ivf in the nation. they solve some of the toughest infertility problems around the country. i thought, well, i'll call and see if they do less aggressive tx other than ivf. i left a message for dr. richards (who is actually a PhD reproductive scientist, not an md) and he returned my call in less than 4 hours. now, his office is in american fork, so going to an appt down there before i knew what our plans were was out of the question. oh, no big deal. dr richards spent an hour and half with me on the phone answering ALL my hard questions..and at the end, even gave me his cell phone number in case i thought of more questions after he hung up. basically, he told me that the success rates of couples trying for over one year have a less than 5% chance each month of conceiving on their own.. not impossible, but definately, not fabulous odds. secondly, he said i could possibly have a problem with horomone receptors at the end of my tubes (fimbria) that may not even pick up my egg, even though i ovulate one (or 4, ha ha) each cycle. meaning, we'd never conceive without ivf. obviously this cannot be diagnosed with any test, so you just trouble-shoot til you've had it and resort to ivf anyway.
so you're wondering what the plan is. since we did not plan to pay $15,000 to conceive a baby, we are not going to jump on the ivf wagon just yet, but we are planning on doing that at the first of 2010. until then, i'm going off all my medication (except parlodel) and if it happens before then, great. if not, we have a great dr who i know can help us. he said our chances are fabulous considering our ages and our health.
just to give you a look into their success rates. for the 11 april ivf cycles they performed, 8 of those got pregnant. the three that did not, were over age 35. so that's way over 50%. i'm feeling relieved that there is hope. i'm not devastated in waiting til january like i thought i'd be. i just keep thinking how much better that + pregnancy test will be after waiting so long.
thanks everyone, for being concerned. i'm finally realizing that this is part of who i am, and not what i am, a broken human.

.so sad.

well, went to the dr monday...and lo and behold...he wants to continue on the path that we've started and not change anything up. he does not feel my ridiculous spotting is any sort of a problem. what planet is he from? its not normal. anyway, the parlodel (bromocriptine) lengthened my luteal phase a whopping 4 days! i guess that's one thing to be thankful for. so just to sum up last cycle...i started spotting on april 26..my period didn't start til may 4...and now i'm done. started clomid last night...100 mg. let's just add up what i'm taking to make everyone out there feel better because they don't have to take 27 pills a day.
1- pre-natal side effect: nausea
2- clomid side effect: mood swings and hot flashes
3- parlodel side effect: whoa, dizzy (i even fell on my butt the other day)
4- vitamin b6
5- baby aspirin

and that's why i've felt so crappy lately. i think the dizziness is the worst. even as i type now, the room is going in a counter-clockwise circle and the letters are smearing together. oh, the things you do to get to those sleepless nights with a baby.

other thoughts. i have finally given into the idea that i do not have ANY control over our infertility issue. when i first started this blog, i felt like i had all the keys to fix this...knowledge, a good dr, meds that i respond to, and a fab hubby. little did i know, that even when everything is "timed perfectly" you still might not get pregnant. the last few months (mostly april) were spent in my bed feeling sorry for myself.

those days are over (well, i'm sure i'll feel that way some days...like when i start my period). i have realized that i have NO control and all i can do is what the dr tells me to and the rest is up to my heavenly father. i'm going to enjoy my summer doing things that you can't do pregnant..and not worry too much about it. its SO much harder to do than to say, but i'm so sick of being depressed about something i can't change. i'm so sad...and i'll still have that sadness deep down, but i need to be there for cameron to make our summer fun. this is such a sob-fest. anyway. i never thought i'd have to survive such heart ache...and most people can't relate, but i'm ok. really. i'm looking up.