.guilty.

so i started feeling really guilty that i haven't done a better job at documenting all the funny, cute, and amazing things about wyatt. i don't really want to bore the readers of my family blog, so i think i'll just use this IF blog to post stuff about him, and still document our IF journey for baby #2 in a year or two.

so wyatt will be 4 months on may 7 and he has grown SO much. he is learning so many things and i absolutely LOVE watching his eyes light up when he discovers something new. i never thought i'd like just sitting and watching him for hours and hours, but i do :) it's so fun. i'm also so lucky that i can work full time and be a stay at home mom all at once. i'm working sun, mon, tue nights 7p-7a in PACU. it works out beautifully. cameron has really stepped up to the plate and is a phenomenal daddy. he takes the night shift the 3 nights i work and he really does such a great job. he puts him to bed and wakes up when he eats... but the last few nights he has been sleeping 9-10 hours straight. his bed time is 730 so that means he still wakes up at 4-5am but he eats and goes back to sleep til 7am. i call that sleeping through the night. love him.

as for me, i pretty much had PPD/PPA. i didn't realize that's what it was until most of the people around me mentioned it. when wyatt was 3 months old, i finally called my dr and got some medication for it. it has been smooth sailing since those started working. i am coping so much better and that has allowed me to fall more in love with my baby. i didn't feel very connected to him for a LONG time because of it, and that makes me feel sad. i just have to realize that i wasn't me and the next baby i'll be more aware of what to look for sooner. anxiety is absolutely the WORST feeling in the world and i can't say that i've ever REALLY experienced it until after wyatt was born. it was very scary. my heart would race, i couldn't breathe, and taking wyatt out alone would send me into a full blown panic attack. i was afraid of everything, afraid he would cry while we were out and i would be able to calm him. who was i kidding. of course he's going to cry sometimes :) anyway, i feel so much better and i feel like i know wyatt so well that taking him places is no problem now. it also helps that he is such an easy-going, smiley baby.

so here are some fun things i want to remember about wyatt right now:

-his favorite activity is his play mat. just last week he started grabbing the toys. he thinks he's pretty cool when he does.

-he weighs over 15 pounds

-his reflux seems to be going away, he hardly spits up now :) yay for less laundry

-his thights have a few rolls each

-his head is still slightly flat, but hoping that it rounds out a bit when he starts sitting

-he hardly ever cries, only if he's hungry or tired

-he's now totally formula fed and does the best with the costco brand.. it's $16 a can and lasts 10 days

-he has only laughed once and it was for cameron, i have yet to hear it

-he always wakes up so happy from naps or bedtime

-he purses his lips when he stands and we call it his "big boy face"

-LOVEs his baths, just recently had to move his tub into the big tub to prevent splashing

-is just starting to take longer naps

-has the sweetest lip pout when he wants to smile but is starving

-only poops twice a week

-loves the bumbo, swing, and stroller

-has already been to st. george and new mexico

-his favorite songs are the itsy bitsy spider and you are my sunshine

-has lots of hair and it doesn't have an ounce of curl to it

-looks like he'll have blue eyes

-is starting to notice when i leave the room.. he doesn't cry, but definately looks around a lot

-thinks belle is hilarious

those are just a few things i love about our little bug. he's the best.

.welcome.

look who made his debut january 7th, 2011.. at 4:03 pm

wyatt jackson owens

7lbs 8oz

21 inches

to read the story click here:

http://ashandcam.blogspot.com/2011/01/story.html

.we made it.

yup, we made it to 2011.. our little guy is still snug as a bug in my squishy uterus. it's such an odd rush of emotions.. you want to meet them, yet you're still not sure if everything is totally ready, and you want your little one to come when THEY are ready. i'm totally ready for him, but is he ready for us? as for our last appt (38 weeks) i was still about 3cm dilated, but almost 100% effaced. my next appt is on wednesday (jan 5) and i'm going to ask dr. g if she would consider induction for that thursday or friday? doesn't hurt to ask, right? mostly i'm just super anxious and absolutely excited to meet him. i can't even believe he'll be here in less than 2 weeks! we're pretty set on his name, but you'll have to wait and see when he comes :) hopefully next post we'll have a little baby in our home.. can't wait to meet you, little man.

.37 week appt.

just got back from dr g's office for my 37 week appt. just love her. she wanted to be SURE he was head down so she brought in the lovely ultrasound machine. it was nice to see our little guy again. we got to see his little face for the first time (at the 20 week ultrasound his hands were mostly covering his face). i think he has cameron's smushy lips and a button nose kinda like mine. we'll see if that's true soon enough! anyway, today was my first internal exam and i was pleasantly surprised that instead of being totally closed up...i was dilated to 2.5 and 70-80% effaced. i'm trying not to get too excited, because i know you can hang out like that for weeks and weeks, but dr g felt pretty confident that i won't make it to my due date. that's pretty exciting. also, she said that since i have already shown that i can make progress, she wouldn't mind inducing me a few days early or at least stripping my membranes! yay! now for flex pay purposes, i really really don't want him to come this year! we put lots of money on our flex pay for 2011, just to pay for the delivery, so if he comes this year, that money will have to be used for something else (maybe lasix for me??) anyway, anytime after january 1st at 12:01am is fine, but not this year, ha ha. in all seriousness though, we'll take him whenever he's ready :) and it would be super fun for whit to be here to meet him :) only a couple weeks!

.holy 38 days.

yup, you read it correctly...that's just over 30 days, folks. 38 days (or hopefully less) until we meet our little dude. isn't it so crazy...maybe i'm the only one who thinks it's crazy close. now that it's so close to being over, i'm not so sure i want to be done being pregnant...yeah, it's mostly uncomfortable, but it's pretty amazing too. i probably complain a lot, to cameron, but really it's been amazing to see the changes and the feel the life of another human inside me. does my back kill all the time, yes. do my feet and ankles look like redwood trees, yes. do i feel like an elephant is sitting on my lungs, yes. and did i actually have sweat beading up on my forehead while teaching yw today, yes... but is it 100% worth it? absolutely, and i haven't even had the chance to fall in love with his little face yet. i can't imagine how that must feel to see and hold your little one for the first time. i'm sure people that read this (if anyone still does) have been there, but i think it's something you have to feel for yourself. it has to be something unforgettable and probably takes your breath away. i'm kind of tired of trying to imagine how it will feel, and just want it to be here! ugh. but i'm soaking up my last few weeks :) according to all the websites and my books, our little one weighs a little more than 5 pounds and can come really at any time...but don't worry, that's not happening because his head is still SO high and his feets are kickin' away at my ribs...ouch. anyway, haven't had a dr appt for 3 weeks so not much to report there, but we're still just hangin' out and waiting to meet our baby. 38 days left!

.30 weeks.

oh my gosh.. the time is flying now. it seems like just yesterday i was 20 weeks and finding out that our peanut is a little boy! and now, we're only 10 weeks away from meeting our little guy. that's nuts. i really don't have much to say about it other than i hope the next 2 months go by quick. i can't wait to meet him.. the anxiety of waiting is killing us. i'm officially huge now. i was dreading the day when the drs i work with started to notice...isn't it just so awkward knowing they notice, but they don't know for sure if i am or not, so they don't ask, but you know they want to? it's funny, when the drs are giving me report on my patient, they basically are glacing down every few words to check it out.. i finally just started saying, yeah, it's a belly, and i'm having a boy :) i think after that, we're both relieved. ha ha. the back aches are pretty bad.. i can't sleep at all. sometimes i even have to hang my upper half over the side of the bed to stretch it all out..crazy. it's pretty amazing how our bodies just mold to where the baby needs it to for them to grow. it sure is a miracle... now let's just pray for a miracle that it'll all go back where it started.. fat chance. so i'm pretty sure we're now mostly ready for him to come. nursery is done, bassinet is up, and carseat is waiting. i think we're just a little anxious, what do you think?? here's to 30 weeks down, 10 to go!

.wow, 24 weeks.

so this post is slightly premature.. but this week marks viability. not saying if i were to go into labor that this little boy would survive, but there's a chance and that's a slight sigh of relief. and believe me, i'm not asking for a micro-premie. that would be tough! but i guess i'm just trying to say that i'm so grateful to have made it this far, and feeling as good as i do. i've been feeling a little sad lately because i just don't feel "connected" to this little guy yet? is that bad? i mean i love feeling him and i talk to him and i just try and envision the day that cameron and i get to meet him. i hope it is still my insane coping mechanism that infertility taught me.. thanks, infertility...i really appreciate it. anyway, i'm not a worrier and people always tell me, "just wait til you see his little face, you'll melt" and i have NO doubt that those words are true. i'm still very excited and i've had some wonderful moments, just me and him, where he's tossin' and turnin' and i have to laugh. it's so weird and beautiful at the same time. i think my mom is slightly bummed that she hasn't felt him, but i have an anterior placenta that makes the little movements hard to feel from the outside.. but cameron has seen him in there rollin' around.. he's in awe. i have to hand it to my husband. he's great and so excited for this baby. sometimes i wonder if he's more prepared than me.? he's great. i know he'll have such a stellar relationship with our little guy, one i'll most likely to be jealous of. well for stats purposes, i have felt the little one kick most of the time..he definately doesn't sleep more than he's awake, in my opinion. he's over a pound now and probably cute as can be. people are still pretty shocked that i'm 24 weeks almost...because i just haven't "popped" yet. i know it's comin'. i've been pretty lucky that i don't have to really worry about what i eat...i just eat when i feel like it. works pretty good. i see my ob on wednesday and i'm hoping she's ok with my 6 lb weight gain... we'll see. i seriously couldn't eat more or better if i tried. i get so full, so fast! i probably drink a gallon of milk every day or so. so as far as belly pics.. there aren't too many yet. we took some at the u of u game last sat but i look pudgy, not pregnant. i'll see if i can post one soon.. because i'm not sure if this will be my one and only pregnancy? i would be so sad if it were, but we feel very strongly about adoption still.. we'll see. happy 24 weeks to us.